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Wow.
It’s almost the end of this journal, symbolizing the end
of a chunk of my life. I just read the first few pages, describing
low points of joblessness, the bittersweet end of a passionate
love affair, and the manic nervous agitation of millions of particles
inside my body in search of success, love, a new meaning from the
shell of my body, the spirit which ignited one day almost 25 years
ago, which my parents jointly decided to entitle ‘orlee’.
I’m glad this emorphasizing energy received its name at birth,
be it ‘orlee’ or any other, because I feel if its grand
changes, highs and lows, swings from joy to sadness, changes to
the extreme in opinion and character hadn’t been given a
name, no single word would be able to encompass them all! So, we
call ‘it’, me, Orlee. And this title-word-name gains
a meaning of its own that could never be explained or described
so precisely by any other. The meaning of my name, “my light” or
light, symbolizes its amorphous nature. I am energy – changing,
evolving, weak at times, potent and powerful at others – merging
with experiences, transforming from these mergers and then detaching
and taking on a new meaning and form due to those mergers. But
the light, energy, matter, remains unique, connected by a sequence
of history, experiences in a chain that define me and give me this
ever so subtle unique distinction.
I am happy with me now, at this very moment on a sunny spring
day on the peaceful silver roof of 384 Broome Street – detached
from all – floating above as the spirit of me floats inside
the shell of a skinny, long bony body the world has chose to
entitle orlee. I will let this happy moment of self realization,
or rather, just ‘self’ be the last recorded moment
in this journal-notebook that has been dragged along with me
(in either the red messenger bag, the black nylon bag, or some
goldman sachs suitcase) for roughly a year.
So, for now, dear notebook of mine – this is the end of
a long and intimate journey. And right now, ‘write now’,
I am happy to be me!
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