The Tear Stopping Lab Page 13
  smile. “I see your form is incomplete. There are a few important questions I will need answered before I can begin treatment. For example, what causes your crying?”
  “Why does that matter?” She uncrosses her legs and grips the couch with both her hands at her side.
  “Well,” the doctor scratches his perfectly shaven chin. “Contrary to what many believe, not all crying can be cured. For example, tears caused by physical pain, or loneliness are usually a breeze. I can cure them in one session with the application of a few tear stopping eye drops. But tears caused from a broken heart… boy, those are a lost battle. I have patients that have been coming here for years with their anguish and heartbreaks, and I keep telling them there’s nothing I can do.
  “Then why do you still see them? I don’t get it,” Veronica asks. She can’t stand him already. She doesn’t even know what she is doing in this lab of quick fixes. She feels like she’s participating in some stupid infomercial. She should have known better than to follow the advice of a Time Out article.
  “Well, Veronica, the situation is not as simple as it seems. Some patients beg, they think my patented solution will help them, and in turn, I hope that if they believe in it so strongly, maybe a placebo effect will occur, and they will self-heal. I should tell you that this rarely happens. But in any case, we are here to talk about you today, not other patients. Tell me how often you cry, and what are the reasons for your tears?
  “I don’t. Cry, that is. That’s the reason I’m here. I’ve never cried. That is to say I don’t remember myself crying. My mother tells me that I used to cry as a child. But somewhere in my past I stopped. I don’t remember what it feels like. I’ve interviewed everyone I know about it. I’ve read every book I could find on the subject. I’ve heard so many accounts and read so much theory, that I think I now understand crying intellectually. I just can’t do it myself. I’ve tried chopping onions, hurting myself, thinking about awful tragedies like rape or the holocaust. It’s useless. I fantasize about experiencing the release that people tell